seeing

When I look at this picture of Audrey at a birthday party last weekend, I think ADORABLE!

I can't believe I cried when the ophthalmologist told me my 14 month old needed glasses.
I worried that my daughter would be teased and self-conscious about something neither of us had any control over.
I'm horrified that for a split second I thought about just ignoring her medical problem.
I'm embarrassed that within the first 5 minutes of diagnosis I asked at what age she could get contacts.
I'm ashamed that some of my fears were for vain reasons.

You see, Audrey was a BEAUTIFUL baby.
As her mother, I am biased of course.
People would come up to us all the time just to comment on her big beautiful eyes and her long dark curled eyelashes.
I always had both girls with me, but people were drawn to Audrey.
I felt bad for Char.

In my mind, glasses would cover her beauty.
Nobody was going to be able to tell how big her eyes were, how long her lashes were or see how her lashes curled up perfectly.

Glasses on older children and adults can be great necessary accessories and add to their appearance;
but babies' faces are pure and perfect just the way they are.
I worried about her self-esteem when she realized she was different.


The ophthalmologist explained her diagnosis and that the prognosis was good because we caught it at such a young age.
We were lucky, but it didn't make me feel any better.
Everything about what I heard that day made me sick to my stomach.
We were sent home and told to come back in 5 months to see if anything had changed (her eyes needed time to adjust after she had surgery on her tear ducts...the reason we were there in the first place).


During those next 5 months, Audrey's "bad" eye almost completely crossed in.
People were now staring at her for different reasons and stopping us to ask what was wrong with her.
People started to comment on Charlotte's beauty instead.

I prayed she would get better and that she wouldn't need glasses, but I knew she would.
Truth is, I wasn't completely shocked when the first told us she needed them. Something always felt off; I knew it in my heart, but my mind was in denial.


When she was 19 months, the doctors told us it was time to get her into glasses.
She was ready, I was ready, she needed them.
If we did nothing, she would likely go blind in the one eye.
There were no other options.

It took time for her eye to straighten out; in fact at 23 months she had to be fitted for bifocals to help out the process.
The change in Audrey herself though was immediate.
SHE COULD SEE!

It all made sense now:
why my daughter didn't smile at me when I was nursing her,

why she never made eye contact when I was holding her,
why we didn't have an emotional connection like the one her twin sister and I had.
She just couldn't see me!

She was so far-sighted that she couldn't make out my facial features or expressions.

There were the times when I was across the room and she would make eye contact and smile, but never when we were close; she always reacted more to sounds.
This realization BROKE MY HEART.
My baby could barely see her whole life.

The day Audrey got glasses, her life started over again...she came to life.
We weren't covering her beauty, we were DISCOVERING her beauty.
She was happy,
she made eye contact,
she smiled at me all the time,
and we developed that bond I wanted us to have so bad.

I SAW her passion for life,
her adorable nose,
the attention she paid to details,
her beautiful red lips,
how much she loved to look at books,
her spunky personality.

Over the last 2 1/2 years she's been pointed at, laughed at, made fun of and whispered about, but there are also the sweet people who come up and tell her how much they love her glasses and tell her how cute she is. I am grateful for those people.

The doctor is pleased with her progress.

I'm pleased with mine too.
I don't think about how much cuter she'd be without her glasses because I think she's pretty darn cute with them.

I pray for the day she will outgrow her bifocals, that contacts will be an option and that she will be a candidate for lasik. I want her to have options; BUT, if she wants to wear her glasses forever, I'm fine with that too.

Her glasses have allowed her to become the

BEAUTIFUL person she is (inside and out)...and I love that person!

* thanks to my friend Krista for taking this picture...it make me happy:)